the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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