Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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