i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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