I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
