this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
