cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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