I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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