And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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