i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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