marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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