I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
