I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
