I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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