Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
