farters have to be the big spoon...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
