I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
