Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
