9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
