why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The ass gains better be worth it
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