You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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