Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
