If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
