She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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