watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
