When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
