This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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