I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
