think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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