I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i think my cat just said my name.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
