We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
