I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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