Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
