Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
