He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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