the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
