no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
