smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
