Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
