hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
