get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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