i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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