Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
