He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
