4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize