I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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