If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
