Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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