lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
