You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
