i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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