we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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