the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
