he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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