omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
