its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
