When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
