Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
