You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
