Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
