What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
