I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
