In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
