I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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