well I can't set my house on fire every night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize