The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
