just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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