Umm I'm too high to move.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize