Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
