I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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