Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think my moral compass just broke
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
