Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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