Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize