just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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