can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
