So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
