even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
