so let's talk penis.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
