how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
