so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
