someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
No stitches, just platelets and will power
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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