Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
