Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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