tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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