i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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