i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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