My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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